Batman and Robins Super Spectacular Special! [[R]]

“Can fire trucks be purple?” I asked randomly.

Batman shrugged. “I dunno. I guess. I’m not entirely sure it’s legal, though.”

“Oh. Do think if there ever was a purple fire truck, they’d let me name it Barney and take it to birthday parties to scare little children?” I asked with a serious face.

Batman raised an eyebrow. “Why do you ask?”

I looked the other direction, twiddling my thumbs. “Weeelll. . .”

“Oh god, what did you do this time?”

“Y’know that really, really big piggy bank on top of our BatVending Machine of BatSnacks?”

“Where is this going?”

“Well, let’s just say ‘piggy’. . . took a little tumble to the fire station and Mickey’s Paint Emporium.”

“Does ‘piggy’,” he made air quotations, “Still have his interal organs?”

“. . . . . . . . Okay you lost me.” I giggled.

“WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE BATBILLS!?!?!?” he shook me back and forth by my shoulders.

“I bought a purple fire truck!” I squealed happily and ran out to the front yard.

“Oh, oh nice. Park it on the grass, why don’t you!”

“Oh, that’s grass? I thought it was moldy cement. Ohhhh, that explains the garden gnome I ran over.”

Batman froze up.

“When I ran it over, I was like, ‘why is there a garden gnome in the middle of our driveway? Did I do that last week when I came back from Tokyo? Did Godzilla give me that gnome? Gee, that was nice of him. Oh, I should send him a muffin basket. Oh, crap. I think he’s allergic to blueberries. Bran muffins. I’ll send him bran muffins. Oh, poo. I don’t have his address. Wait, I think his second cousin once removed gave it to me on that letter he sent. Where did I put that letter? I think I put it by the giant piggy bank. Or did I put it in the giant piggy bank?’ so then I ran inside and smashed piggy, and it wasn’t there! But then there was money everywhere, so I shoved it all into a WalMart bag and decided to spend it, because piggy had gone to piggybank heaven and I didn’t have enough money to buy another piggy bank, but then I did have enough because I smashed piggy. Which reminds me,” I pulled a small golden piggy bank out of my back pocket and handed it to Batman. “I bought that for 30 cents! Anyway, I was like, ‘What am I going to spend all these BatBills on?’ then I heard this siren and I was like, “Is that an ambulance? Ooh, what if it’s a fire truck? I wish I had a fire truck. I think I broke my plastic one from Germany. Well that’s not right! I should get a new one. But red is such a violent color. Purple is sooo much better.’ So then I took the BatMobile and went over to the Fire Station and bought a fire truck for like. . . well I dunno, but there were lotsa zeros! Then I sped over to Mickey’s Paint Emporium and I had them paint it purple. Ooh, and the ladder and hose are green! Don’t you just love it?” I squealed.

Batman was at a loss for words. “. . .You. . . You. . .” he looked at me angrily. My smile fell from my face. “YOU RAN OVER HUMPHREY?!?!?” he yelled and chased me around the yard.

“HE WAS EVIL, I TELL YOU! EEEEEVVVIILLLL!” I ducked and hid underneath the BatPorch.

“HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND!!!” Batman threw a squeaky toy across our ‘lawn’, that looked suspiciously like moldy cement.

“Dude. . .no. no.” I said flatly. “OHMIGOSH, do you wanna hear a joke?”

“NO! I WANT SOMEONE TO COME HERE WITH A HOT GLUE GUN AND TOOTHPASTE AND REVIVE MY BEST FRIEND!”

“Oh, great! Did you know that 1 out of every 3 people have a mental problem?”

Batman raised an eyebrow. “No.”

“Now. . .think of your two best friends.”

“Uh huh.”

“Do they both seem pretty okay?”

“Uhhhmmm, yeaaaahh. . .”

“Ha, then it must be you!” I burst into laughter and rolled around on the grass.

“That’s. . .That’s not funny.” Batman said slowly.

“Oh, yes it issss!” I giggled, standing up. I slung an arm around Batman’s shoulders. “Don’t worry. I already booked you a ticket for the Dr. Phil Show tomorrow at 7 o’clock.” I handed him a brochure that read “A Large Font Brochure With Coloring Pages And Mazes For The Mentally Challenged. By The Infamous Dr. Phillip G. ImTooSexyForMyBuisnessPants”.

“Robin, you’re the one with problems.” He laughed, handing me the brochure.

“Oh, curses!” I snatched the brochure and looked at the coloring picture of Finding Nemo.

“What?”

“I don’t have an orange crayon. How the hell do I color Nemo without orange!?! GAHH!” I screamed and chucked the brochure into the air, running inside.

I rummaged through my giant 5 foot by 3 foot 1 foot deep drawer that was full of BatCrayons.

“How the crap?” Batman said from beside me. He took a handful of BatCrayons.

“I like crayons and coloring pages from restaurants.” I wiggled my eyebrows.

“All these are from restaurants?”

“Yep. Oh, and a sixty pack of crayons my grandma gave me before she died.”

“She died? Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, don’t be! She was an old fart with urinary tract problems.” I said with a serious face as I continued to dig through the crayons.

“Is. . .This a Power Rangers crayon?” he held up a crayon that had been molded into the red Power Ranger.

“Yep. I made it when I was five.” I took it from him.

“Wow, that’s . . .cool. I guess.” He laughed.

“Yeah. I liked the pink one, but NOOOOO. I can’t have the pink one.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know!” I flailed.

He sighed and helped me dig. “And. . .Is this one a transformers crayon?” he held up a chunk of different colored crayons that had been melted together to create Optimus Prime.

“Yeah. Cool, huh? ‘Cept there’s a little chunk of his head missing cuz I liked to color with him.” I took the crayon from him. He nodded and pulled out another chunk.

“What is this?”

“Oh.” I laughed. “It used to be a glow-in-the-dark Megatron crayon.”

“What happened to it?” he flipped the chunk over in his hand.

“I went on a road trip to Arizona and accidentally left him on the dashboard.”

“Ooh.” Batman hissed. “Poor Megatron.”

“Never to color pictures of unicorns again.”

“Unicorns?”

“Oh, yeah. Megatron loved ‘em. He found that they called his senses when he was under stress.” I nodded.

“You’re crayons have feelings?”

“Duhh!”

“Riiiight. . .Well I think I’m going to go get some Old Lady Cake. Want some?”

“Didn’t we donate that cake to charity?”

“Yeah, but I kept a chunk of it in the BatFreezer.”

“Well then yes, or course I want some Old Lady Cake!”

We raced out of the room to go eat our frozen Old Lady Cake like there wasn’t a care in the world.

“Oh my Gawd, this cake is delicious!!” I chimed, eating my cake happily.

“I’m glad yours is okay, because mine tastes like Old Lady Purse.” The cake fell from his mouth.

“Ewwww!” I stuck my tongue out before my mind blanked and I continued to eat cake. “So I saw this picture of this guy, and his eyes were like WOAH! And I didn’t know if they were contacts or not, because I couldn’t tell but they looked so unnatural that I wasn’t sure!” I said quickly.

“What color?” Batman asked me, trying to separate the frosting from the cake.

“Purple.” I said, chewing the cake thoughtfully. “I’d be cool if they were real.”

“Okaayyy. . .” He stood up and threw his cake out.

I began to ramble about Evil Knevil’s MySpace and Batman looked at me like I was wearing 3 sweaters in the middle of Death Valley.

“And I was like, pssh, no you’re not! And he was like, Yeah, we are! Hooked up yesterday! And I was like, Heck no! That’s spanktastic! And he was like, I know right!?! I want candy! And I was like, oh, me too! And he was-“

“WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT!?!?”

“I dunno.” I said curtly and placed my now spotless plate into the BatDishWasher. I sat back down and pulled out my book of Sudoku. I chewed on my bottom lip as I attempted to solve the puzzle.

“You know. . umm. . .there’s probably something better you could-“

“Shh! 1 . . .5. . .6. . .7. . .3. . .5. . – NO! NOT ANOTHER FIVE!” I grabbed my giant hunky BatEraser and erased the ‘five’.

“Why don’t we hop in the BatMobile and see if the city’s in danger, hmm?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“Are you sure? Because there’s a sale over at Maurice’s Pie Shop and I was gonna go, but I suppose if my sidekick refuses to come with we won’t have any pie for a whi-“

“PIE!” I screamed and jumped on Batman’s back. “QUICKLY, MY TRUSTY PONY! TO THE BATMOBILE!” I yelled, pointing at the fire pole that lead to the basement. Batman threw me onto the couch and slid down the pole. “NOOO! FRANKIE! WHY HAVE YOU RUN AWAY!?!?” I chased after my pony. I slid down the pole, blowing on my burning hands when I reached the bottom.

“C’mon, Robin. Just get in the car.” Batman opened the door from his spot in the driver’s seat.

“Say you’re sorry.” I ordered, crossing my arms.

“Why?”

“You threw me on the couch and ran away! Ponies are loyal to their masters!” I stuck my nose in the air.

Batman looked around, as if I was talking to some invisible person that just happened to be standing next to him. “I’m not a pony!”

“If you’re not a pony, why do you keep stashes of carrots under your mattress?”

“Why were you in my room?”

“I was looking for Samuel.”

“Who’s Samuel?”

“My pet Madagascar Cockroach!” I smiled brightly.

Batman’s pupils shrunk. “C. . .Cockroach?” he gulped. “In my room?”

“Yeah, I never found him. . .” I scratched the back of my head.

Batman visibly shivered. “Just get in the car.”

“Fiiiine.” I whined.

We drove out to Maurice’s Pie Shop. We bought enough pies to feed Africa and that fat homeless guy on 2^nd street.

“OHMIGAWD. THIS PIE IS DELICIOUS.” I said through mouthfuls of blueberry pie.

While we ate our pie, a giant Mickey Mouse clock was tearing down the city.

“Do you think we should do something?” I asked, poking my pie with my fork and glancing out the window every few seconds.

Batman pondered for a couple minutes.

“There go Cosco. . .” I said quietly as a large building caved in on itself.

“Shh! I’m thinking. . .” Batman silenced me with a wave of his hand. I blinked and watched the city capitol fall. After another five minutes, Batman shrugged. “Nahh, let the fire department take care of it.”

“But-“

“Shot your pie hole!”

I giggled. “Pun intended?”

Batman raised his eyebrows before finally getting his own subconscious joke.

We both fell to the floor laughing, and Oprah Winfry threw a napkin dispenser at us.

In the end, the giant Mickey Mouse clock ran out of batteries and the city was safe once more.

Episode 8: sacrafice [[B]]

"Bambi?" i asked Robin curiously.
"and look what he gave me!!" she yelled back.
it was a brochure that had a picture of a map on it. i looked closer to at the map. it had something marked on it. there was an x that said "Mr. K's hideout."
"that brings back memories," i said shivering.
"bad memories..." Robin said.
I put the map in the BatMobile's BatScanner. a message popped up showing a picture of the map. i zoomed in and programed the x in the BatComputer. i pushed the BatGoTo button.
"estimated time to arrival: 8 minutes," the BatComputer said igniting the BatAfter-Burner and taking off down the interstate at 872 miles per hour.
8 minutes later, we were sitting in the BatMobile looking at a military style gray building sitting in a forest.
"this doesn't look very Mr. K," i said.
Robin crawled up to a window and looked in.
"this does," she said.
i looked inside. it was full of pink and purple.
"yes. it does," i remarked.
we crawled in the window and droped down on the floor. we walked down a hallway and at the end we found a room with a chouch. we looked around the front of the couch. Mr. K was sleeping like a rock.
"we need to explore his base" i said.
"let me do one thing first" Robin said. she drew a mustache on his face.
we walked down the hallway and found a staircase going down. we walked down it and found a room full of scientific equipment.
"this looks a little advanced for him," i pointed out.
"so what exactly are we looking for?" Robin asked.
"how bout a switch?" Mrs. S said walking out from behind a bookshelf.
"why do they always do that???" Robin asked.
"it adds to effect," Mrs. S said.
"what do you mean look for a switch?" i asked skeptically.
"well you are trying to get the power back aren't you?" she asked.
"but i thought Mr. J stole it," i said.
"it was a bluff!" Robin said.
"correct! we have a couple of winners here!" Mrs S said.
"why are you telling us this?" I asked.
"for years, Mr. K has used me!" she started. I giggled. she glared.
suddenly, Mr K burst into the room. he lifted a shotgun and pointed at us. Mrs S was still hidden from his view.
"that way!" she yelled pointing to the wall at the end of the corridor of shelves.
Mr K pointed the shotgun at us and shot. i ducked but it didn't matter. Mrs S got in the way of the bullet and saved us.
"I knew you were a good person!" i yelled back before i pulled the switch.
The base went dark.
Suddenly, Robin and i were sitting in the BatMobile. The BatProjector popped up on the screen. "You saved us all!!!" the mayor yelled. before the screen popped off.
"she didn't have to do that you know." Robin said.
I gave her a curios look.
"Our uniforms make us bulletproof,"
"oh" i said. "wow."i realized the magnitude of the situation.
"i wonder what happened to everyone," Robin said.
"we may never know," i said.
"at least we saved everyone we could..."

Episode 7: Epiphany [[R]]

"Aww crap, do you think this power outage stretched to Springfield?" I asked Batman, frowning.

"Probably." he responded. "Why?"

"I was gonna tape America's Best Dance Crew! And since the power's out, the VCR won't work." I corssed my arms and pouted, sinking into the black leather seats.

"You watch that show?" he asked, his eyebrows raising.

"Dude! The look like they're FLYING!"

"Umm. . ." he was about to say something else before the BatProjector flickered on again.

"MUHAHAHA!" Mr. J's obnoxiously large head appeared on the windshield. "I have stolen all the power in the U.S!" he laughed.

"YOU'RE THE REASON I'LL NEVER KNOW IF KABA MODERN MAKES IT TO THE NEXT ROUND!" I yelled, frustrated.

"You watch that show?" he asked, surprised.

"Why is everybody so shocked? They look AMAZING!" I sunk lower into my chair.

"You'll never be able to stop me!" he laughed yet again and signed off.

"Seriously. Why do you watch that show?" he asked again.

I rolled my eyes and hit the Mexican Party Button.

"Mexican Party Engaged." the monotone voice said.

The strobe lights came out of the hood of the Batmobile, creating enough light for Batman to drive.

"TO SPRINGFIELD!" Batman said enthusiastically and drove on.

"Um, why did you ever install a Mexican Party Button?"

"Well it came in handy, didn't it?" he said, smirking.

I glared at him and slid even further into my seat. By now I probably looked like I was part of the upholstry.

Our drive back to Springfield was silent, aside from the small Mexican Man that popped out of the hood and danced, sang, and played maracas every 22 seconds.

"Why do you think he'd need all that power?" I asked, fumbling with a small key lime that I found under the seat from our previous Citrus Celebration.

"I don't know. . ." Batman sighed.

"Oh! Remember, we found him trying to charge his iPod at the local power plant a while ago. . ." I trailed off.

"Well, it would have to be a pretty big iPod to need all of the power in the U.S."

"Maybe he want's cable."

Batman looked at me as if I had lost any marbles I might have had.

"Well it's true!"

He let out another sigh and we continued the drive to the power plant.

"BAMBI!" I screamed randomly and jumped out of the car.

"What the heck are you doing?!" Batman yelled, sopping the car. I climbed back in, a brochure in my hand.

"Look."

[[Robin does not actually like America's Best Dance Crew.]]
(EPISODE OF THE WEEK)

episode 6: Blackout [[B]]

As we took the on-ramp to the interstate, the tomtom said, "bear right on to the motorway."
"motorway? what'chu talkin' 'bout?" i asked it.
It wants you to turn on the interstate," robin said.
"well i know that. it's just talking weird," i said.
we were taking the interstate west at 500 mph now. the tomtom was not happy with it. "we need to get a nuvi and see if that can work at supersonic speeds," Robin said.
"stupid modern technology," i mumbled.
then the BatCar said, "your cake is ready. please enjoy."
Robin and i looked back.
"There's a big cake with an old lady in a car following us," Robin said.
"i didn't think the handicapped egg beater would work!" i said.
"we should donate the cake. it could feed like 50 little kids," Robin said.
"okay," i agreed. we went to salvation army and made the anonymous donation.
we had just gotten to the California border when the BatProjector filled the windshield of the BatMobile. i nearly drove off the interstate before i hit the brakes and skidded to a halt on the side of the interstate.
"Springfield is in danger!" the mayor screamed at us.
"AGAIN?!?!" we both asked in unison.
"yes again!"
"you need to come save us from the-"
All of the BatMobiles electric systems went down. our cell phones and BatPhones wouldn't turn on and our matching BatWatches we're blank. As we got out, we noticed every electric thing in sight was down. cars were stopped all over the interstate and all the lights in range were out.
"What the..." Robin trailed out.

Episode 5: Handicap [[R]]

"Augh, if people are handicap, they PROBABLY SHOULDN'T be driving!" Batman yelled angrily, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

I watched, amused as an old lady drove a steady pace of 11 miles per hour.

"JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST, COULD YOU MOVE ANY SLOWER?!?!" he shouted.

As if on cue, the old lady drove 6 mph slower.

I snickered and began pressing random buttons on the dashboard.

"Auto-Pilot Engaged." the computer said in a monotone voice.

"Nope!" I pressed the button again to turn it off.

"Invisible Screen Engaged."

"No."

"Oil Engaged."

"No."

"Mexican Party Engaged."

I shot Batman a look that screamed, "What the heck?"

He blushed and pressed the button again to shut it off.

"Giant Earth Destroying Missle Engaged."

"NO!" we both screamed and pushed the button again.

"Handicap Egg Beater."

I looked at Batman with questioning gaze.

"It might work." he shrugged.

"Only one way to find out!" I allowed the Handicap Egg Beater to start.

A giant hand reached out of the hood of the Batmobile, and grabbed the old lady's car.

A muffled scream was all we heard as the car was put into a large bowl of cake mix and was spun around.

"Your cake will me done in twenty minutes." the robotic voice said.

"Delicious!" I giggled and we drove at a steady speed of 203 mph.

On we drove, with a giant cake bowl being held off to the side of the Batmobile.
(EPISODE OF THE WEEK)

Episode 4: Mr. J's iPod?

Robin and i were sleeping on the BatCouches while the end credits for The Invisible played over and over again.
Just then, the BatProjector turned on. Robin and i rolled of the couches onto the floor as the mayors face appeared on the wall.
As soon as he saw us in our pajamas on the floor, he burst into laughter. we stood up glaring at him. he stopped laughing only letting out a strangled giggle.
"Springfield is in danger!" he exclaimed still smiling. "you must save your citizens from Mr. J."
"him again?" Robin asked. "didn't we just beat him 3 hours ago?"
"yeah. we did," i looked at the mayor with a look of curiosity. "did he get away from jail?"
"well it is a Springfield jail..." he trailed off.
"so where is he?" i asked.
"he's in the power plant, trying to do something to the power," the mayor said.
"Great. He thinks he needs power now," Robin said.
"most supervillians do," the mayor said.
Robin and I glared at him.
We should go beat him just so we can...do something else," I said.
"mmkay," Robin said.
I killed the power on the BatProjector. We climbed into the BatMobile and sped through downtown Springfield on the way to the power plant.
When we got there, we saw Mr. J sitting by one of the generators looking at his watch. Robin turned on the BatListener to hear what he was mumbling.
"why do batterys take so long to charge?" he asked.
We snuck up behind him and i tapped him on his shoulder.
He turned around and fainted when he saw Robin and I.
"That was easy," i said doing a perfect imitation of the staples button.
I looked at what he was doing. He had a small battery plugged into the generator. Robin unplugged it. I looked at it.
I wonder, I thought.
"get out your iPod," I told Robin.
She pulled out her broken iPod that wouldn't stay charged. I plugged the battery in the bottom of the iPod. It came on. the battery bar said it was full.
"He was building an iPod battery?" Robin asked.
"Maybe his iPod wouldn't stay charged either," i said.
"they do tend to have that problem."
"we'll now that that's done, lets go back to the BatCave."
"sounds good to me" Robin said. . .

Episode 3: Wake The J's [[R]]

I carefully snuck into the kitchen, being careful not to wake Batman, who was sleeping peacefully on the BatSofa. I opened the fridge and pulled out the waffles from our breakfast. I took one last glance around the room before tip-toeing into the dining room and sitting down. I ate the waffles happily. I froze when I heard footstep coming into the dining room.

"Robin, what the heck are you doing?" Batman asked me groggily, running a hand through his hair. I froze, half a waffle still hanging from my mouth.

"Umm. . . " I began, the piece of waffle falling to the plate.

"You do know it's 3.30 in the morning, right?" he yawned, taking a spot next to me.

I checked my BatWatch. I nodded, swallowing my food.

"Jeez, you're weird." he sighed and took a waffle off my plate. We ate in silence.

All of the sudden, our BatProjector turned on, and a picture of the Mayor appeared on the BatWall.

"Please! You must- Are you two eating waffles?" the Mayor cut himself off to give us weird looks.

We looked at each other. Now we both had waffles hanging from our mouths.

"Mahbah." the waffles fell from our mouths.

"Well the city is in touble! Mr. J is back, and he brought three Bitchions!" the Mayor began to scream.

I burst out lauging, and both Batman and the Mayor looked at me skeptically.

"Sorry, I just realized you were wearing Tinkerbell pajamas." I giggled at the Mayor, who glared daggers at me. I cleared my throat and sat up straighter.

"You must get into action! Quickly now!" The BatProjector shut itself off and the Mayor was gone.

"Damn, we never got to finish our waffles." Batman sighed. "Top the BatMobile?" he asked ne, his expression tired. I yawned and nodded. We went at an awesome pace of 2 miles per hour to our vehicle. We sleepily pulled our PJ's off to reveal our outfits.

We drove as fast as we dared to Downtown Springfield. When we arrived, Mr. J and the Bitchions were beating up three old ladies with giant purses.

"Ha! Take that, Grandma! That's what you get for baking oatmeal raison cookies for my birthday last year!" Mr. J yelled.

"Oh my god, it's freakin' Batman and Robin!" BreBitchin said, pausing in her beating of old ladies.

"And we've come to," Batman interrupted himself with a yawn, "save the day. . ." he rubbed his eyes.

"You'll never stop us! These old ladies deserve this!" EmilyEgo yelled, charging at me. I stepped aside and tripped her. She screamed as she fell into a random vat of cement. INSTANT cement, that is!

"Can I keep it?" I asked Batman hopefully, motioning to the EmilyEgo statue.

"Of course."

"NOOO! EMILYEGO!" BritannyBagel yelled in agony.

"That's the eighteenth assisstant this week!" Mr. J sighed, rubbing his temples.

"And it will not be the last!" Batman yelled.

BritannyBagel and BreBitchin charged at us.

TO BE CONTINUED. . .

Episode 2: introduction (continued)

Hello everyone! This is Batman. I welcome you to the Batcave. Here, you will follow our adventures wherever they take us. We could be on the other end of the world or sitting in your basement using your computer to make this blog entry. We could even be in space watching the world fall into chaos at the hands of evil Mr J. But we will keep you informed about what we are saving you from. During the day, we go about our normal days. but at night, we protect you and your country and your planet. you should thank us.
Batman

Episode 1: Introduction

Welcome, readers everywhere! From Tokyo to Sydney, your presence is greatly appreciated! I, Robin, [I'm girl, people] and Batman, who will be posting later, are here to save the day! Our epic adventures of food-battling-contriban will suck you in, then you'll become our mind slave and- oops, too far. ANYWAY, keep readng, we'll keep saving you guys anonymously, and you won't know a thing about it. . .